ASSAULT AND BATTERY PORK MAFIA STYLE

ASSAULT AND BATTERY PORK. MAFIA STYLE....

This is the perfect dish for when things are not going

the way you wished. Today, I have many reasons for preparing

it. If you have not slept enough lately, or had a flat tire when you

were driving home ....or are just upset for not being able to afford

pork tenderloins or rib eyes.. this pork recipe is IT....make sure you

have "ugly pork chops" in the fridge at all times, if you are going

through a difficult time in your life....

THE ASSAULT PART:

First open the fridge and YELL at the pork chops, "YOU ARE

REALLY GONNA GET IT NOW !" Then reach for them...GRAB

them and THROW them on the cutting board !!! YEAH !!!

If there are any bones remove them ...please. So they look like these....

Now ...we need to flatten these suckers....so go look for

something to doit with...I don't have a meat cleaver....but that

does not stop ME....

HMMMMMMM.....not wide enough.........NEXT !!!

My husband's martial arts weapon....MAYBE......but I am

scared of whacking myself in the face....

AHAAA !!! A plantain smasher and a knife sharpener!!!

I never use the knife sharpener anyways.... OK...Now, I wrapped foil

around the plantain smasher and I ready to proceed with...

THE BATTERY PART:

As you flatten it... think....car payment....text message from your

boyfriend breaking up with you, termite inspection fee, the police

stopped you for having an expired tag, electric bill too high ....

Hit up and down until it is really thin......This is a real workout!!!

WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK...

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?....

WHACK, WHACK, WHACK,WHACK ...ARE YOUR BAD FEELINGS

GOING AWAY ??? NOW ...TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND EXHALE S-L-O-W-LY....

NICE AND THIN.......BUT WHISPER...."I ain't done with you yet!"

Dump it on bread crumbs.....both sides....then....surprise it

with a dip in .....the "Yellow River".

Then, take it out again and let it eat more bread crumbs....

slap it and turn it on the other side...

When it has had enough....it looks like this...."capiche?"

JOHNNY....THIS IS LOOKING GOOD.....BUT, YOU AIN'T

FINISHED....THERE'S MORE !!!!

FRYYYYYYYYY....FRYYYYYYYYYY....FRYYYYYYYY...THEM

UNTIL GOLDEN BROWN!!!!!!

Now it's ready....take it out and serve with "CRY ME A RIVER PISTO

AND SMASHED POTATOES".

PSSSSSSSSSSSST....

NOW IT'S TIME TO MAKE IT DISAPPEAR !!!!!!!

SHHHHHHHHHH !!!!